Disclaimer - see part 1







Helena could see Barbara's lips start to move, but no sound came out. Then, as though through a thick fog, she started to hear a voice.



"......na......up....."



Helena turned around to face her mother. Her face still remained a blank, showing no recognition for her daughter. No love. Wade was the same, but Helena didn't care so much about him.



"Hel......wake up..."



Dimly, she could feel herself moving, consciousness skirting around the edges of her vision. With a jerk, she left the dream world behind, and sat up with a gasp. A cool hand brushed across her sweaty forehead, while another rested over her thundering heart. Helena was still gasping for breath when she realized where she was and that it had just been a dream. *The same one that's been bothering me for so long*. This time, however, she had woken Barbara up, and knew that she could no longer hide her true feelings from her. Once Barbara was determined to know something, she usually found out.



"Shhhh, it okay, it was just a bad dream."



Helena realized that she was crying, but was too distraught to stop herself. Barbara embraced her and murmured comforting thoughts in an effort to calm the tormented woman. She barely heard Helena through the tears.



"I killed them. She said I did, and I did. Its all my fault..."



"Helena, what are you talking about?" Barbara sounded concerned, as well as slightly exasperated: she had a slight idea of what Helena was talking about, but wasn't sure.



"Mom. I want my mom."



These words shook Barbara. She hadn't heard them in over seven years, and didn't expect to hear such a statement of vulnerability from Helena. She didn't know what to say.



"I killed her. I killed Wade. I - "



"Helena, you did no such thing!" Barbara almost snapped. She couldn't believe that Helena still held herself responsible for Wade's death, and didn't know she blamed herself for her mom's murder. "Quinn killed Wade, not you. And your mom was most definitely not killed by you."



"But I told Quinn all about Wade. I said I didn't like him. And I could have saved mom." Helena's sobs had subsided to hiccups, making it difficult to breathe.



"Calm down, honey. None of it was your fault. How can you think that? Quinn is a killer, and you didn't give up the information voluntarily."



"Y-yes, I did. About Wade, anyway."



"Listen, Helena. I know you didn't like Wade. You trusted your therapist with something you didn't think would amount to anything, and she violated your trust. You played no part in his death."



"She killed him for me, though."



Barbara was finding this conversation as difficult as Helena. His murder was still recent in her mind, but that wasn't what bothered her the most. What bothered her the most was that she realized she didn't love him as much as she thought she did. His death, while tragic, didnt cause as many strong feelings as Helena's current pain and well-being did. To tell the truth, she cared a lot more for Helena than she ever did for him, or his parents. Although she didn't appreciate Helena's honesty about her feelings for Wade whilst they were dating, she now realized that Helena probably cared for her enough to challenge the romantic choices she had made; to make sure they were the right ones.



"Sweetie, this is none of your fault. Quinn found a weakness and exploited it. She's the one to blame. And she can't do any more harm. She's behind bars, as is most of her syndicate, where they belong. You're safe here, and I plan to keep it that way."



Barbara had the feeling that Helena was worried about the security of the Clocktower after Quinn's access. She followed a proven formula she'd exercised when Helena had come to her after nightmares before: she reassured her that she was safe, and that she would let nothing harm her. She truly meant that, but Barbara could not help feeling a little guilt at Helena's anguish over the years. The times when she'd been hurt on sweeps; when she couldn't deal with her anger. She had always tried to pick up the pieces, but still felt a little guilty at not being able to protect Helena as she had promised.



Helena, however, felt differently. She relaxed into Barbara as her breathing finally slowed down. As she felt a hand smooth her hair, she thought of all the times she had come to Barbara like this: how many times Barbara had healed her wounds, internal and external. After her latest catharsis, she felt grateful for having such a caring person to live with.



"I'm sorry," she mumbled into Barbara's shoulder. "I just can't help feeling like its my fault Wade died. If I hadn't told Quinn, he would still be alive today."



Barbara was stumped. Should she tell Helena about her true feelings? Maybe later. Enough emotional stress was hanging around to last them a month or two, and she didn't need to add to it. And telling Helena about her feelings for Wade would probably force herself to admit that she never loved him in the first place.

On to part 5...